Lost in Translation Part 1 - Japanese Business Etiquette and Being "Polite"

Are you going to Japan and want a heads-up on how to avoid a Bill Murray experience? Read on.

A common problem faced by non-Japanese (gaijin) in Japan, is that of how to behave when you find yourself immersed in this very structured and stylistic culture. The gaijin has been said to resemble a bull in a china shop. And if you misbehave that’s precisely what you’ll be. But in reality the rules are very simple and it doesn’t take much to avoid this cultural predicament.

Even today the hallmarks of Japanese culture are its meticulous social hierarchy and conformity to a strict system of etiquette. During the feudal era starting about 800 years ago until the end of World War II, the Japanese people were systematically conditioned to suppress individualism and conform to a strict code of behaviour and philosophy. Over time a meticulous set of social rules of etiquette and hierarchy formed, and while individualism has been strongly on the rise since the 80s, the ancient culture of conformity is far too deep-rooted to be swept away in a few short generations. Conformity and hierarchy remain core pillars of the Japanese psyche. The result is that many gaijin get the overwhelming impression that the Japanese are incomprehensibly polite. This is a misunderstanding. Many Japanese are indeed very thoughtful, and to consider the position of others before you act or speak is certainly a stronger part of the culture in Japan than in the West. This is one of the best things about Japan. But dont mix this up with the mandatory ‘politeness’ that is simply part of the ritual designed to reinforce the (frankly sexist, chauvinist) social hierarchy.

I’ve found most gaijin respond to Japan’s comlpex system of polished etiquette in one of three ways.

1. Cultural blindness

2. Obsessing over the form

3. Comprehension of the substance

In the Blindness response, which makes the stereotypical vision of an American in Paris seem quaint, the gaijin is the quintessential bull in a china shop – blissfully unaware that he or she is breaking social rules with a frequency resembling machine-gun fire. Some sensitive people have never possessed the cultural insensitivity that this attitude requires, while others stick to their cultural (machine) guns to the bitter end. Ironically they are sometimes the people most loved by the Japanese, because they offer the most authentically ‘foreign’ experience, which is highly valued, at least by some.

The second response is where the gaijin studies up a little and becomes highly sensitive to Japanese etiquette and social ritual and attempts to join in, often with comical results. The Form-Obsessed gaijin is a more sedate bull in the same china shop, smashing several meticulously crafted ancient china dolls simultaneously as he tries to emulate the staccato full-body bows of his counterpart at great risk to his back. This is the gaijin who, failing to understand that politeness is often supposed to be a one-way street in Japan(1), receives his credit card back from the lad at the coffee shop cash register with two hands and an austere and well-practiced bow. Crash! – The bull’s ass has just knocked down a whole row of exhibits in the china shop. A valid question here is: why doesn’t the whole coffee shop break out in uncontrollable, gut-heaving laughter? The reason is that the Japanese fully expect the gaijin to break the rules. Everyone will be watching you through curiosity but you might not notice as you pay your final reverential sentiments to the bell boy.

Finally there is the third approach, where the gaijin acknowledges that he or she is external to this system and focuses not on the form but on the substance. This is the approach you want to adopt when you go to Japan. It will save you and your Japanese business associates (and everyone at the coffee shop) embarrassment and awkwardness, it will get you more respect, and it will facilitate better relationships and better negotiations. In short this approach means being genuinely respectful but maintaining your own cultural grace and body-language. There is simply no need to bow profusely or adopt any Japanese body-language at all, ever. You might like to do a very short bow for the sake of intercultural understanding or light-hearted respectful humour – more like a slightly-deeper-than normal bow of the head- and hold it longer so you only have to do it once. But forget trying to emulate the repeated deep bows or you will end up looking like a goose having a fit. The only person that benefits is your chiropractor. The key is to remember that the only thing that is important to anyone is the substance. If you’re a Westerner, be respectful and graceful in the Western way. Whatever your culture, sticking to your own body language has many benefits: it will make you appear more genuine to others; it will give the Japanese the pleasant feeling that they are enjoying an authentically ‘foreign’ experience; and it will make you feel more at ease and put your head in a better place for getting through the business at hand.

It is important for the gaijin to understand that there is absolutely no need to reciprocate much of the ritualistic politeness one encounters in Japan. Use your common sense. If a shop assistant rambles on and bows so low you wonder why he is not a world-class gymnast – just admire it, give him a quick smile or a nod if you absolutely must – but otherwise ignoring him is fine. A Japanese shopper certainly would. Remember the customer is king and is expected to reciprocate nothing. Of course there is no need to be arrogant – even if the (male) Japanese shoppers might be (from your perspective) – but my point is that there is, equally, no need to behave differently than you would shopping at home. As in a business setting, it is very important to express the fundamentals of respect and humility, but the form is really not important so stick to what you know.

Note 1: I remember as a 19 year old with very basic Japanese in Osaka. I’d very kindly ask the person at the paper stand on the platform at the train station in Japanese “Excuse me, could I please have this newspaper?” I’d get a hell of a funny look and not just because I was a 6 foot 5 whitey. I soon realised that no Japanese person – especially a man – ever even does so much as mumble a grunt as they buy a newspaper. The customer is king and in some cases communication beyond picking up the desired item is unnecessary (of course this is the same in some Western environments but my expectation of incredible Japanese politeness, combined with a little over-eagerness to use my newly mastered sentence, made me think it was normal for a while). The same applies at the coffee shop register. Politeness is never expected from a customer. The register operator may take the card from you with both hands, but that’s because the customer is much higher in the hierarchy and reciprocity simply doesn’t happen. Please note young Japanese women aged up to say 35 are customarily running on a never-ending treadmill of reciprocity and super-politeness in almost every situation – but again – this wouldn’t be expected of foreign women.

Lost in Translation Part 1 - Japanese Business Etiquette and Being "Polite"